


Cobalt Memories

by Wesakechak



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: F/F, p3i
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-15
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2019-03-31 15:47:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13978368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wesakechak/pseuds/Wesakechak
Summary: "If this song goes on, if this purple sky goes on changing I think we should both head to the point where everything ends"





	Cobalt Memories

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the song Cobalt Memories, english cover by rachie here (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xOdpB_KwaPU)  
> Just some sweet and sad P3I involving Asuka, Rei, and an idiots music player.  
> Gonna probably be my last asurei fic posted here for a while, but me and Xairathan started up a discord where we'll be posting fics and artwork we find/commission. Ask either of us for a link if you want it. I might occasionally update

Only two things were left to attest to the presence of another person when Asuka awoke again. A series of footprints going down the white beach, impacts hard enough to leave little craters in the sand, continuing over the horizon. The one who made them was nowhere in sight. Not that Asuka cared about that. If anything seeing him would have made her follow the footprints so she could demand answers about what had happened, and why he had done it. And even the thought of that made her sick.

Instead, she sighed and fell back onto the ground to where she had been lying before. The sky and sea were both red, and the latter was creeping up the beach as the tide came in. The footprints would be washed away when the tide came in, and so would Asuka if she had any say in the matter. Further out in the ocean, there was more white and red. White monsters on red crosses. Half of a white face with a red eye staring at her. The last time those eyes had stared at her had been in the elevator, she recalled with some effort. Questions were asked, and no answers were given. For a moment, it occurred to her that had she listened that time, things would have turned out differently. A moment later she decided otherwise. It was Rei’s fault for being a puppet for NERV. It was Shinji’s fault for not having a backbone.

Painfully, Asuka rose from the sand again. She was not going to give up and die as long as the First could see it and silently express her disappointment. It was then that her foot hit the other thing that had been left behind. Perhaps it had been left in a mad dash to get out of there, perhaps as a gift to apologize. Regardless, a familiar music player was in the sand. Asuka glanced at the ocean again. She could easily kick it down the beach, easily let the sea swallow it up and let it wash away. Yet…

She looked around the ruined city of Tokyo 3. There were no lights in any of the still standing buildings. No movement in their windows either. No sounds except for the occasional crack of concrete on concrete. No one else on the beach beside her and the footprints.

So, she picked it up. Gingerly at first, as if it would break or lash out at her at the slightest touch. It didn’t; it remained inert in her hands, sand falling off of it. With a sigh she wrapped the cord of the earbuds around the cassette player. She stared at it as she walked, then stumbled over something. Without looking at it, she continued on, carrying the SDAT in her hand idly as she went into the city. If there was someone else alive, then they’d be there, wouldn’t they?

***

She gave up for the night when the sky started to get darker. Even though she couldn’t see it, she assumed that it meant the sun was setting. Whatever was making the sky red was also blocking out the sun, she realized. Her trek through the city for other people had been fruitless, there was no one there. Or at least no one willing to respond. The only thing that yelling gave her was a dry throat and the growing sense of loneliness. At least she had managed to find some meager supplies and a backpack to carry them in. Some canned food, a bottle of warm water, and a flashlight was all she had now.

There was a strange metallic smell permeating the air, as if the world itself was rusting away. It made her scrunch her nose in disgust. Ominous clouds filled the sky, coming down from the hills surrounding the destroyed city. Asuka sighed, scanning the area she was in for some sort of shelter. Most of the buildings around her were leveled, or else precarious enough that she didn’t trust them to stay upright. There was, however, the exposed opening of one of the service tunnels that ran underneath the city. It would have to do. Throwing her backpack down, she huddled against the wall of the tunnel near the entrance, closing her eyes and thinking.

Perhaps she was the last person alive. The thought didn’t scare her as much as she thought it would have.  

The clouds finally burst later that night, waking Asuka up. Red blood, still warm from the giant’s demise, dropped down from the sky. Asuka woke in the middle of the initial rainfall, the smell of blood filling her nose. It was enough to make her gag. She scampered deeper into the shelter and groaned, trying to drown out the noise. That proved to be unsuccessful, the rain pounding on the ground above her reverberating through the tunnel, and she glanced at the SDAT lying in her backpack. Carefully she took it out and brushed her hair back to slip the earphones on. With a click it started playing. A sad sounding orchestral piece filled her ears. Of course, she mused, Shinji would have shit taste in music. Even so, she laid back down and listened to the entire cassette tape, before it clicked and rewound, then started again. By that time, she was already fast asleep.

When she woke up and saw what had happened, she screamed. A raw and painful sound filled the air, and echoed through the empty streets caked with dried blood. She cursed everything and everyone she could think of. Family, friends, the fellow pilots, EVA, and herself. Still, she carried on, mechanically searching through the city.

***

The sky was a deep purple when the final parts of the giant face sank beneath the sea. Asuka had lost track of the days, scrounging through the city for food and water which wasn’t covered in blood or rotten in the intervening time. She had kept to the edges of the city, away from the giant hole revealing the Geofront cavern and away from the still standing clump of buildings closer to the center of the city. One of them, she knew, contained Misato’s apartment. It was, probably just as sloppy as it usually was. As bad as things were, she could not return there. It might have been cowardly, but who was going to shame her for it now?

There was a low hum as the SDAT rewound the cassette in it again. She usually listened to it when it rained blood outside or when she was exploring the city. Even if it was loud enough to deafen her to other noises, she found that she didn’t care. The batteries were starting to go on it, she thought. It was taking longer and longer to rewind.

She groaned, getting up to stretch her legs. It needed more batteries soon. Her search took her towards the beach where she had first washed up, the footprints of her stumbling out of the surf long since washed away. There was no sign of what had happened there, and she rocked back and forth on her heels when she first spied the beach, still a kilometer away.

The thought of going back had crossed her mind before, as it did now. It was always an option, and the hazy memories of a pleasant warmth after her battle with the white monsters only tempted her further. And now the face resting on its side was gone, now Shinji was gone, Misato had never been there, there would be no one there to criticize her actions. Almost subconsciously she slipped her backpack off her shoulder, leaving it on a piece of rubble in the middle of the road. The SDAT was still clutched in her hand as it finished rewinding and started again. The first song started playing and she closed her eyes, the streets had become familiar since she had come back, and she knew the quickest way down to the beach. The first few days she had hoped that someone, anyone, would wash up.

She thought she was about halfway there when she turned a corner and something unexpected happened. She ran into something, knocking her earphones off and making her drop the SDAT to the ground. The something that gave a small grunt as it tumbled backwards to the ground. Instantly her eyes shot open and she looked down for whatever she had bumped into.

Red eyes looked back at her, a confused expression on their owner’s face.

“Oh.” Asuka heard a quiet voice say. The ghost in front of her got to her feet, dusting off the white plugsuit she was wearing.

“Pilot Soryuu.” Rei said evenly. Asuka stood frozen for a moment, gaping at the blue haired pilot who was standing in front of her. Then she spun on her heels and ran away. Of all the people to appear after the end, Rei Ayanami was the person she’d least want to see, or expected to see for that matter. It had been her face on the fallen giant. Asuka didn’t look back when she hurried to the tunnel she was using as a shelter, passing the backpack that she had left behind on her way down without stopping to pick it up.

When she finally did get back to the familiar tunnel she sat in the corner, pulling her legs to her chest and staring at the entrance. Maybe she had lost Rei in the maze of ruins, or maybe she had simply imagined her in the first place. Her mind had to be playing a trick on her, a way to drive off loneliness for a moment after she had ran into a rock. It was impossible that Rei Ayanami would wander around to find her. For a few minutes she fixated on that thought, trying to convince herself that it was all a figment of her imagination, which had manifested as Rei because… there was no way that she could possibly miss her company. No way that Rei had a strong enough sense of self to return like Asuka did. Rei didn’t even provide any company, she was merely an object in the background most of the time. And if Rei thought they had been friends, then she was sadly mistaken.

The sounds of approaching footsteps raised her from her musings, and she saw a silhouette appear at the entrance of the tunnel.

“May I enter?” Rei’s voice emanated from the silhouette. Asuka shook her head. If this was a hallucination it was persistent. And if not…

“Fine. Just don’t get comfy.” She called back. The silhouette shifted and Rei came into focus from it. Asuka didn’t acknowledge her any further as she cautiously approached her.

“You forgot to pick these up when you ran off.” Rei’s voice seemed loud in the tunnel. Gently Rei set the neglected backpack beside Asuka, and then she stood on the opposite wall of the cave, turning the SDAT over in her hands idly.

“Go away.” Asuka hissed. “You aren’t real.”

“I am real.” There was a pause. “I am… different. But I am still Rei Ayanami.” Asuka squinted at her suspiciously. It sounded like a perfectly Rei thing to say, something very weird with no explanation.  “It is a… long story but I could explain if-” Rei began to say to her.

“No, I don’t need to hear any explanation. If you’re real then even better. You actually can go away.” Asuka repeated, finally turning to face Rei. Rei was looking out of the tunnel, a frown crossing her face.

“I will leave if you wish me to.”

“Good!” Asuka snapped, pushing herself to her feet. “Why are you even here? You’re the one responsible for all of this anyway. Right?”

Rei’s expression changed once more, into something that Asuka couldn’t recognize on her. She turned back to Asuka with an open mouth, then averted her gaze to the floor. Asuka had a savage grin on her face. If there was one benefit of Rei coming back, at the very least she had someone to be angry at. An actual person to lash out at.

“What? Can’t talk suddenly?” She taunted, making fists with her hands. She took a step away from the wall towards Rei, glaring at her.

“I can.” Rei replied simply. “And… it was the only thing I could do. Anything else…” She said quietly before trailing off. There was a bit of shame in her voice. Her eyes focussed on Asuka’s, and Asuka faltered in her steps towards her. With a sigh she went back against the wall, crossing her arms and turning her head away from her.

“Go find Shinji. He probably needs the companionship more than I do, and he’ll actually want you hanging around.” She suggested with a dismissive wave.

“Shinji is… not alone now. And he would not want my company.” Rei replied, hesitating for a moment. Asuka felt a small bitterness sting her. Of course he would run away to someone else. “I did not come back for him either.” Rei continued. Asuka eyes shot open at the implication.  

“And you came back for me?” Asuka snapped, looking back at her. She clenched her fist. “Well, I got news for you-”

“I came back for myself.” Rei interrupted her, raising her voice slightly. Asuka fell silent for a moment. “I did feel as though I needed to take the route I did, but I did not know it would lead to you.” Her voice was softer now, and she closed her eyes. “That is what I believe anyway. It was all… unclear in there.” She shook her head. “I will leave if you wish me to, pilot Soryuu.”

“I’m not a pilot.” Asuka muttered, a bit of anger bubbling up. She had had her chance to prove she was a pilot, and she had failed, and died as a result.

“Then… Secon-” Rei began hesitantly.

“And NERV is gone, the Marduk Reports are gone, and hopefully the Commander is gone too. You haven’t changed a bit Wonder Girl!” Asuka yelled at her, taking a step forward. It was cathartic to scream at someone other than herself as her anger bubbled over. It was just like the elevator, she thought bitterly. “You claim to be back for your own sake, but you still use the names they told you to use, like the doll you are.” She continued to rant, taking another step towards Rei and lifting a hand. When she brought it down towards Rei’s cheek she suddenly felt it stop short. Rei had caught her wrist with one of her hands, and was holding it back.

That had not happened in the elevator.

“I am not a doll.” Rei asserted, raising her voice again. “Not anymore.” Asuka jerked her hand back and Rei let it go without any resistance. “I did not know how you wanted to be addressed.” She continued as Asuka rubbed her now sore wrist.

“Asuka.” Asuka growled. “That’s all I am anymore, Wonder Girl.”

“Then I am simply Rei.” Rei mused, partially to herself it seemed. “I am sorry if I hurt you Asuka. It will be unlikely to happen again.” With that she started to walk towards the entrance of the tunnel.

“I’m fine, and…” Asuka shuffled back and forth on her feet, knowing that she’d probably come to regret her next decision. Rei didn’t give her the chance, she had already left the tunnel, not pausing at the entrance and giving her a final look. Asuka felt far too sick to call after her. She sighed again, the whole day had been wasted. Stepping back to her wall again, she slumped down against it, exhausted. The SDAT was sitting on a rock near her and she grabbed it, letting it play through its tape again and isolating herself from the world until she fell asleep.  

***

Asuka awoke the next day to find herself alone in the ruined tunnel, and when she initially glanced around there was no sign that there had ever been anyone else in the tunnel at all. Had it all been her hallucination then? She wouldn’t put it past herself. Still, Rei of all people. If it was her making it up, then why Wonder Girl? And why had her hallucination requested that she be called Rei? Was she really that lonely to humanize her?

The SDAT clicked, distracting her from her musings as it began to rewind. With a curse she slapped the ground with an open palm, angry over her own carelessness. She had forgotten to turn it off last night, and had wasted hours of precious battery life. Getting up and stretching her aching muscles, she slung her backpack over her shoulders and began to make her way out of the tunnel. She would really need to pick up a mattress from somewhere. It was added to her mental shopping list, along with batteries and potable water. She was starting to run low on the second, and she still didn’t trust rainwater after the blood had fallen for so long.

Even though she kept the SDAT playing to drown out the silence, she couldn’t help but notice how empty the city was. Maybe she was lonely enough to conjure up a hallucination of Rei. If she had come back, then why not go back to Shinji. At least he probably had a reason to keep existing, unlike Asuka herself. She simply drifted through one day and another, unable to let the waves take her back and not wanting to find anyone else.

There was no signs of Rei outside the tunnel, she wasn’t sitting on one of the broken slabs of concrete waiting for Asuka to come out like she was some lost puppy. If she was real, then she was gone. And if she wasn’t, then her mind had decided not to torment her for now.

The walk through the city was as quiet as usual with only the SDAT making any noticeable noise. She decided to walk near the beach again to see if she could find some supplies, there were still a few places in that direction that she had not looked at, some of them even recognizable as buildings.

Rei Ayanami was somewhere in these ruins. Haunting them like she was.

The thought struck her suddenly, and it was only after she had thought it that she paused in the middle of the empty road. Why had she thought that? It wasn’t her concern if she was, and even then, she had probably just imagined the encounter yesterday.

As it turned out, she had not been hallucinating.

Asuka found Rei staring at the surf as it rolled into the bay, red waves with white foam caps reaching the beach and pulling back. She was standing on a small piece of rubble, only a few hundred meters from the beach, her arms hanging at her sides. Asuka approached her with caution, quietly moving in behind her. And Rei was too lost in thought to notice her approach.

The look on Rei’s face was one filled with uncertainty, even Asuka could tell that much. Asuka gave a short, nasally laugh. She almost couldn’t believe how open Wonder Girl was being, after all the months they had known each other. There was a small backpack beside Rei, laying on the ground and half opened. When Asuka stooped down to take a look inside, Rei barely reacted, only turning her head slightly to the side to watch Asuka.

There was some canned food and a bottle of water, things that Asuka already had. Even so, she took the bottle of water out and took a small drink from it. Warm water trickled down her throat.

“It’s real.” She mused. She removed the SDAT earbuds and turned to Rei. The unknown singer continued to sing, even though she now sounded distant and tinny. “And you’re real.” Asuka handed the water bottle to Rei, who placed it back into her pack. She repeated what she said to herself. There was a real person beside her.

“Yes, just as I already told you Sec-Soryuu.” Rei replied. Her gaze had shifted back to the ocean with that. Asuka followed it, watching the waves and thinking. It had been Rei’s interference that had stopped her from returning yesterday. The almost primal fear that had driven her back to the tunnel last night. What was stopping her now? What was stopping Rei? Nothing, it seemed. Her backpack landed beside Rei’s.

“I will go somewhere else if you wish to stay here.” Rei offered. Asuka shook her head.

“Whatever, don’t care what you do.” She responded with a dismissive wave of her hand. Then she sighed. After a moment of hesitation, she stepped away from the rubble towards the ocean. Behind her, Rei also began to move forward. The only two sounds were their footfalls, offbeat of one another, and the waves producing a steady tempo that slowly grew louder.

Asuka stepped onto the white sand again and halted for a moment in contemplation. Something crossed her mind as she brought up the memories of the beach. She had forgotten where it was that she had emerged, where Shinji had nearly strangled her to death. She could barely remember the idiot’s face, even though she had sworn that it would be impossible to do.

So she began to walk along the beach, keeping out of reach of the heaving waves. Rei continued to follow her, walking parallel to her path. The SDAT was back in Asuka’s ears, isolating herself from the sounds of the surf once more. Rei Ayanami was real, and she was following her. Asuka could tell that much.

And what did that mean? She looked out at the red ocean again. What did it matter? She paused and turned to face the ocean. Rei stopped behind her, as if she was waiting for Asuka to make a declaration. That she hated Rei or hated this world and she’d be walking back into the ocean.

Instead, Asuka sighed and continued to walk down the white sand. Asuka tripped on something, making her fall forward. The SDAT fell out of her ears and she let out a small curse as she threw her hands out in front of her, then sat up  to see what she had hit. Rei was staring at it as well, then gently dug it up with her foot.

A crude wooden cross was laying on top of the sand. Tied to its neck was a smaller, shiny cross. Asuka blinked, then scowled, then scrambled away from the cross once she figured out who it represented.

“Katsuragi did not return.” Rei stated quietly, understanding Asuka’s expression and the unasked question. Asuka turned to look at her, anger replacing confusion.

“And how do you know that?” Asuka asked, perhaps a bit too bitterly.

“I simply do.” Rei replied. There was a pause punctuated by waves. “She was content.” She added quietly. Asuka turned away from her, looking at the ocean again and while she sat on her knees. Rei frowned, then squatted down beside Asuka, following her gaze. Asuka was slowly kneading the sand underneath her hands, closing and opening her fists to let the grains pass through.

It struck her suddenly that this was where she had washed ashore. Her free hand found a discarded bandage buried in the sand.

“Content, huh.” She repeated quietly. It had been dark after the bright pain, the last thing that she had seen when she knew she was alive was the grey lance coming towards her. The monsters, now dead in the ocean before them, had gotten back up in her fight with them. She knew she had failed in her final moments, and that should have broken her. She knew she had been content with dying. That maybe she’d be able to see her mama again. Or else there’d be nothing and she’d never have to face anyone for her failure. The world started to swim in front of her.

“Why wasn’t I content?” She asked the ocean.

“It was your own will that drew you back.” Rei told her without answering the question. “It is also why you have not yet chosen to return there.”

Asuka scoffed at that, shaking her head and hitting the sand. She knew Rei was terribly mistaken if she thought that. Perhaps at one time, she thought, that would have described her. But now, after everything that happened, what will she had was drained out of her.

“You’re wrong.” She muttered, then she once more looked at the red bay in front of her. Heaving out a sigh, she slumped her shoulders.  

Rei didn’t reply, merely shifted her weight to get more comfortable and closed her eyes. The sun was over their heads when Asuka finally moved from her stupor, getting to her feet. A moment later, Rei moved as well. She wobbled for a second, and then looked at Asuka to see where she would be going. Instead of travelling into the ocean, she walked past Rei and began to retrace her footsteps.

Rei stayed in place for a moment, letting Asuka get a few steps ahead of her before she started to follow her back the way they came. Their backpacks were still sitting on the slab of concrete where they had left them, bright neon points in the dull world. Asuka forcefully opened her backpack when she got back to it, then began to rummage through it. Rei joined her a few moments later, stepping around Asuka and picking up her backpack. She then walked a few paces away from Asuka, waiting for her to finish with the backpack.

Asuka did so soon afterwards, then she zipped it up and slung it over her shoulders. With a huff she continued back into the city. The bag felt heavy, as if the ocean had drained her and left her weak. Unconsciously she slowed down, until she was leaning on a broken wall. Heavy breaths and a pounding headache made her stop. The cord of the SDAT player was dragging along the ground.

“Asuka.” The word felt strange to hear from Rei. Still, it cut through the haze of weariness that clouded her mind. Rei had stopped a step away from Asuka, and was looking her over with a small frown on her face.

“I’m fine.” Asuka snapped, as if that would suddenly make it true. “Let’s just get back.”

Rei’s frown deepened.

“You are not fine. Follow me.” Rei offered, walking a few steps away from Asuka before turning back to see she hadn’t moved. “Please, Asuka.” She added.

Asuka followed her, even as she grumbled curses and objections.

***

In her exploration, Asuka had not gotten to the small clump of buildings still standing unscratched at the edge of the city. Perhaps, she had thought, it had been where Shinji had gone. Or there would be someone else there. Now she was slowly climbing up the outside stairs of one of the buildings, Rei minding the damaged steps with knowing ease.

“A step is damaged. Be careful.” Rei said from in front of her. Asuka made sure to watch her feet for that step. There was still a splitting headache and the pervading feeling of dizziness that haunted her since leaving the beach. She had not been content to die. After everything. For some reason she had wanted to live. Even though she had had so many opportunities to slip back into the ocean, or she could have never emerged in the first place. The thought nauseated her.

On the fourth flight of steps Rei left the stairwell, walking down the row of doors until she reached the sixth. Then she turned and waited for Asuka, who slowly made her way towards her. Rei was reaching for the door when Asuka brushed past her, choicidly ignoring to look at her. If anything, it was Rei’s fault that she was in this mess to begin with. She had been surviving until Rei arrived, knowing that there would be no one else. Why, then, was she even following her?

So she stumbled into the vacant apartment ahead of Rei, the cord of the SDAT getting caught on the lip at the door. There was a brief tug, then a snap as it gave way. It was followed by a thud as Asuka keeled forward and collapsed on the floor, letting out a dull thud as her head hit the ground.

***

When Asuka came to she found herself tucked neatly in a bed. It was old, worn down, and smelled faintly of blood. The sheet, singular, was thin. It was also the most comfortable she had been since coming back.

It took her a moment to recall what had happened, and the warm feeling passed. Someone, Rei no doubt, was rummaging around somewhere outside of Asuka’s view. She continued to stare at the dull grey ceiling above her. The colours had been drained out it seemed, after seeing and expecting red wherever she went.

Rei leaned over her a few minutes later, their eyes meeting and not averting as they had before. The blue hair seemed almost like the sky as it was before for a moment, not tinted with red. There was a translucence to it from the sunlight that shone through the window. She must have been out for a few hours, she realized. Or more.

“It is evening.” Rei told her, seeing the look on her face. Asuka gave a weak nod, then squared her jaw when she realized what she was doing, where she was. She sat up so quickly Rei barely had time to pull her head back. There was a slightly wild expression on her face, as if she was having trouble comprehending things.

“Where’d you find this place?” Asuka asked her, now turning to face the window. Light was streaming through a makeshift curtain hung over it. She knew the apartments had been abandoned for a while, so the presence of living amenities surprised her.

“It is where I lived.” Rei replied matter-of-factually. Asuka heard the sound of a plugsuit decompressing, and then it crumbled to the floor. Asuka kept her eyes focussed on the window.

“Of course.” Asuka grumbled. Behind her she could hear Rei dress, no doubt in something comfortable as if it was the natural thing to do after the end of the world. As if any sort of normalcy or comfort was what they deserved for ending it.

Then she felt something soft land on the bed, draping over her legs. She looked forward, seeing a set of school clothes lying on the bed. Then she looked at Rei, who was just finishing putting her own uniform back on.

“What the hell.” Asuka growled, glaring at Rei. She clenched her fists, bunching the fabric of the blanket in them. This was past the point of confusing, instead ascending to irritating and stupid. School uniforms! The school, she knew, had been blown up in the N2 detonation. And for some reason Rei wanted to wear that instead of anything the slightest bit more practical.

Rei was shifting over to the small dresser opposite the bed, and Asuka heard some soft clinging and rattling. She decided that she didn’t even want to know what Rei was doing, so she continued to bore through the back of her skull. A thought crossed her mind at that moment, something which seemed wholly irrelevant given the situation. Did Rei call her Asuka, or Second, or something else, when she thought of her. Asuka could accept thinking of her as Rei, even if she wanted to insist Rei was Wonder Girl instead. That it was all she’d ever be, a part of her added bitterly.

Rei pulled the trash can towards the dresser with her foot, letting it scrape across the floor, and then unceremoniously dropped enough bottles and sheets of pills to stock a small pharmacy into the can. Asuka watched in confusion.

“I was told I needed to take these. But… now I know I did not.” She said quietly, as if forgetting Asuka was in the room with her and instead was musing to herself. She tilted her head to the side ever so slightly, then dropped another bottle of pills into the bin. There was the loud clang of glass on glass impacts that shattered the relative silence of the apartment. Asuka grit her teeth, thinking of chiding Rei for a moment, then deciding against that. She still felt far too tired to try and fight her. Instead, she stared out the window, noting that the world was red enough to make the sea blend in with the land at this distance.

Being so high up in the destroyed world was sickening, and she flopped her head back onto the pillow, letting out a hefty sigh.

“You will require rest.” Rei told her without turning around.

“I’m fine.” Asuka insisted, as she had before. “Plus, I have to know why the hell you’re wearing that stupid thing.” Asuka demanded to know, propping herself up on her elbows. She could feel the fabric of the mattress rubbing against her right arm. The plugsuit had torn there, some time after she came back when she was simply drifting and hadn’t cared about wear and tear like that.

“It is all I have to wear” Rei replied, turning around to face Asuka, “and as you said, we are no longer pilots.” Her eyes shifted slightly upward, towards the crown of Asuka’s head. Asuka reached up, feeling her two neural clips still in her hair. So Rei thought she was a hypocrite. Angrily, she pulled the clips out, holding them in her hands for a moment before throwing them against the wall near Rei. They bounced off and landed on the ground, a satisfying crack accompanying the impact.

“Well.” Asuka huffed, indignant and trying to argue back. “Pretty sure our school was vaporized.”

“As I said.” Rei said with just the slightest hint of annoyance. “It is all I have for us to wear. I will not force you to take off the plugsuit though. Choose what you wish.” She offered a shrug and returned to disposing of the pills on the shelf. The room fell silent, and suddenly Asuka felt the urge to drown it out with the SDAT once more.

The SDAT was laying beside Asuka, the cord now frayed and the internal wires twisted around themselves. She frowned, then remembered her half conscious stumble through the door. Something had held her upright for a second, before it had snapped. She turned the music player on, and the tape clicked and started to play. Except no noise came through the earphones. Asuka flipped to a different song, and still nothing.

Rei seemed to have sensed Asuka’s growing anger and once more turned to face her. She gave her apology with a slight bow to her head. “I attempted to fix it, it seems I was unsuccessful.” She concluded.

“Of course you were.” Asuka growled quietly. She had set the SDAT down and instead clutched at the blankets of Rei’s bed, almost tearing them without realizing it. “You can do so many thing right, but you keep doing it at my expense.” Asuka ranted. “Trying to give me advise without making me listen. Not realizing why I was like that to begin with. Now you won’t even let me die.” She was yelling now, glaring at Rei to gauge her reaction. “I was fine on my own, and yet you come back. Just to mess with me‽ Because you certainly aren’t helping!”

The room fell silent again, Asuka’s voice echoing slightly off the wall. Rei remained silent, her mouth trying to form words but nothing coming of it. Asuka let the farce continue for a few seconds before starting to yell again.

“Go away!” Asuka snapped, shooting up from Rei’s bed. She wobbled for a moment, but stood firm with clenched fists. The folded uniform fell to the floor at her feet. “I want to be alone.” She added, no longer yelling but deadly serious. “Why can’t you leave me alone?”

“You did not want that.” Rei replied, sure and quiet as usual. She then bowed and fled the apartment, leaving Asuka standing there alone. With a sigh she made a controlled collapse to the floor, setting her head against the discarded uniform. With that, she shut her eyes and fell asleep on the floor.

***

When Asuka woke up again, she found signs of Rei. Firstly, the presence of a blanket draped over her, something that she had left flung to the foot of the bed when she had fallen asleep. She shivered slightly, noting how cool the air had gotten. Her confusion was mixed with a speck of gladness. It certainly didn’t have to be Rei who had put the blanket on, but somehow Asuka knew. It seemed that her temper had cooled with the apartment as well.

The second piece of evidence revealed itself when Asuka sat up to look around. Set on the ground near her was the SDAT, sans earbuds, and instead a small, round speaker was set next to it, a length of cord running around the speaker.

Rei was nowhere within her view. Nor was she in the bathroom, Asuka realized when she finally stood up and began to wonder around the small apartment. Signs of neglect that predated the end of the world were becoming abundantly clear to her.

How could Rei have lived like this? She thought indignantly. That was easy enough to figure out. She didn’t know anything else. Then another thought.

She hadn’t exactly been the most understanding person either. It was all the ground she was willing to give Rei. Asuka felt that there was still a lot of things the other girl had to answer for.  

Asuka approached the speaker. Then she silently began to attach the SDAT to it. There was a small squeal and the pop of static as the music began playing once it was hooked up. Asuka sighed and carried the whole thing to the bed, setting it against the wall. Then she laid down on the bed, dull grey looking back at her as she stared at the ceiling.

Rei was gone, and Asuka bit her lip. She should have been happy, that some predictable monotony could set in as it had before. That she wouldn’t have to deal with the spectre of her past.

But she couldn’t. Something about the place gave her a calm realization to things..

She had broken the headphones. Rei had replaced them with a speaker. The world was gone. Rei had replaced that with a new one; somehow. She had wanted to die when the end came in the old world, but this one?

She certainly felt like she wanted to, but on the other hand.

The song on the SDAT finished and another began, breaking her train of thought. Turning her head towards the speaker, she listened to the music. Even if she was familiar with the music, it sounded tinnier than it had before. The voice of the singer she didn't know the name of sounded more echo'd and strained. And it didn’t deafen out the world as it had before. It let her hear the decay around her. It made her gut twist ever so slightly.

She shook her head and stared outside again. A semblance of morning sun covered the city. Unconsciously, her eyes scanned over the destroyed city for a dot of blue. There was none, and she closed her eyes.

On the other hand, Rei spoke with such confidence. Such certainty that she didn’t want to die. She hadn’t listened, because she had told herself that all advice from Rei Ayanami didn’t mean anything.

Yet she knew something Asuka didn’t. Saw something that Asuka couldn’t see inside herself. Asuka opened her eyes again, once more seeing red outside. Gathering the SDAT in her hands, she pulled herself up and stood at the edge of the bed, taking a moment to get her balance again. Her backpack was still sitting near the entrance, and she stuffed the SDAT into it without turning the music player off. Outside of the apartment, the building seemed twisted and to have decayed even more since she had climbed the steps. She navigated the stairs with deliberate caution, trying not to fall. She knew where Rei would be though.

***

They found each other at the beach. Rei was standing on a piece of concrete looking out at the ocean, the same piece of concrete where she had been before. Her arms hung limply at her side, and she was swaying back and forth ever so slightly. Asuka looked down at the beach. The tide was in, and it almost seemed to beckon to them, asking them to return to it. Asuka shivered and clenched her fists, keeping her eyes focussed on Rei.

“Asuka.” The name was almost lost on the breeze, but she heard it and stopped. Rei turned around to face her. Instead of the usual inquisitive or neutral frown that Rei usually wore, Asuka could tell that there was some semblance of sadness behind Rei’s expression.

“Hey. What’re you doing?” Asuka asked, in a voice she hoped sounded les cross and more concerned. It wasn’t the most natural thing for her to feel. And she was still angry. It did, however, catch Rei’s attention.

“I came back because I was my own being, with my own wants. I do not know if I made the right choice.” Rei muttered quietly, jumping down from the concrete and walking onto the beach. The wind was starting to pick up, whipping sand into Asuka’s eyes so she had to shield them with a lifted arm.

“I don’t either.” Asuka admitted into the wind. She followed Rei and stomped up the beach a few meters from where the waves reached out. Rei was just a couple meters ahead of her. “How stupid.” She continued. Rei’s frown shifted to one of curiosity, with a scrunched brow and a slightly tilted head.

“I do not understand what you mean.” Rei started to say.

“The thing you see in me? What is it?” Asuka made an exaggerated gesture towards herself, staring at Rei’s eyes as she waited for a response.

“I saw… strength.” Rei stated. Asuka shifted on her feet slightly, biting her lip. It didn’t surprise her. It was what she was expecting to hear, what she always heard.

“How stupid do you think I am?” She asked, dangerously quiet.

“Asuka… I don’t understand.”  

“I’m not strong though!” Asuka yelled. The sad frown was back on Rei’s face. “I don’t know why you think I’m strong. All I’ve done is exist, that isn’t strength.” She closed the distance between herself and Rei, so they were standing less than a foot apart. Asuka could feel the warmth radiating off of Rei, the warmth of a living body.

“Is it not? To make your own decisions, decide what you want for yourself? I wished I could have that.” Rei shifted her eyes away from Asuka, towards the ground. “That is what I see in you. Is that an answer to your question?”

Asuka looked out at the sea over Rei’s shoulder. Was that a sufficient answer for her? It wasn’t, she told herself a moment later.

“You’re wrong.” She said to Rei with utter certainty. Something in Rei seemed to shift, her shoulders slumping down in defeat. “If you see that as strength, then why do you need me? You decided to come back, didn’t you? You don’t need someone else to give you strength.” Asuka added, trying to sound positive. Instead, Rei shuddered as if she had been hit.

“And I have wondered if I made the right decision since then.” Rei replied. “I believe I know now.” With that she turned around and started to walk towards the ocean.

“Hey!” Asuka yelled, charging after Rei and reaching out to grab her arm. She didn’t expect Rei to shrug her arm off with so much force she stumbled back, barely able to keep her balance on the soft sand. Rei continued walking without looking back. Asuka regained her balance and crossed her arms over her chest, annoyed.

“So that’s it? You’re just going to give up? Just like that?” Asuka protested. This, at least, got Rei to halt and tilt her head to look back at Asuka. Asuka didn’t offer any more words though, didn’t know what else to say, so after a moment she turned around and resumed walking again. Asuka clenched her fists, digging them into her arms.

“Thanks.” Asuka said. There was a pause as she watched Rei. “For the speaker.” She added.

“I am glad I could help.” Rei stated, pausing but not turning back. She stood at the very edge of where the waves reached,

“Then stay with me, okay. Like you said, it’d be better if we stuck together.” Asuka had uncrossed her arms, and the scowl on her face had disappeared. She dug one of her feet into the sand, agitated.

Rei hadn’t taken another step, and instead rocking back and forth on her heels.

“You seemed insistent that I leave.” She stated after a moment, a slight waver in her voice. As if she was about to break down. Which, given the circumstances, Asuka realized, she probably was. And a crying Rei Ayanami was something she wasn’t sure she could deal with at this moment.

“I’m sorry, okay? I meant it at the time, yeah.” Asuka called out. Rei turned around, looking genuinely sad now. Asuka pressed on, ignoring the expression directed at her. “But you know what? I was wrong!” She declared loudly to the remnants of the world. The waves drowned out any dramatic echoes, but the statement had gotten a reaction out of Rei.

“Then you want me to stay?” She asked with a certain ambivalence. Her eyes held a shimmering mistrust, as if she couldn’t trust Asuka to be telling the truth.

“Yeah.” Asuka replied simply. “I’ve been too harsh, okay?” She continued, stamping her foot and kicking up a bit of sand. There was still some harshness, some refusal to swallow her pride, but that was fading now.

Rei nodded slightly, keeping her pace slow as she inched back towards Asuka. Asuka, for her part, stayed rooted to the ground, waiting for what Rei would do or say next. Gently, Rei grabbed Asuka’s wrist and started to march off the beach. Asuka stumbled behind her, letting her guide them behind the slab of concrete. It gave relief from the wind that tugged at the two of them. Rei wasn’t looking at her, and Asuka herself turned away after a moment. For the first time, they enjoyed the music together. Rei rested with closed eyes, swaying slightly.

Asuka kept her eyes open, scanning the crumbling buildings and the hills beyond that, It would all have to go one day, Asuka realized. The city was dead, decaying. They would have to leave eventually. To where though? Not the ocean. It surprised Asuka how viciously that option was rejected. She wouldn’t go back to the ocean. Further inland? She didn’t know what still existed beyond the hills surrounding Tokyo 3.

“This never would have happened if we did it differently.” Asuka noted suddenly, sadly. A million things could have prevented the end of the world. Asuka herself had so many chances to do so.

“Do you regret it?” Rei asked her, shifting against Asuka and opening her eyes to look at her, her voice barely above a whisper. Asuka simply leaned against her, closing her eyes and inhaling softly.

 


End file.
